It happened. I feel happiness for the first time in 35 years. It is scary. I'm overwhelmed but not manic. I'll never take feeling content for granted. I'm never take feeling sad for granted. I'll never take feeling stress for granted. I feel. I feel so much. It's scary and exciting. I still get tired and sad. But I'm glad my attempts to die didn't work. I'm alive and I want to feel every minute of it. The joy and the pain. It's better than the numb. The pit. It's not even black down there. It's nothing. I never want to go back.
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